My next tattoo should probably be a virgo symbol, because I am totally a virgo. Just something that I read and totally describes me:
SEPTEMBER Birthdays: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed.Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding.Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Pencil Me In
Google calendar, well all google apps are amazing. Google calendar in particular however can be credited with saving my life. The day that I realized I can make a color coded event, repeating every week at the same time every week changed my life. I can acutally remember the moment. I had two psychology courses back to back on Tues/Thurs my Junior year. (That semester I was very "balanced" I had two bio courses on M/W/F, and two psych courses every Tu/Th, funny how you can still remember your class schedule, anyways...). So on those days I would go from one psych class to another, but since they were both in the same building, Long, I had a little bit of a time gap. I didnt have quite enough time to get anything done, so I would get to my other class early, and stop in the computer lab and check my email.
It was kind of my routine, and boy have I learned that routines work for me. (It is a double edged sword though, because routines sometimes =ruts).
Regardless, in that time that I would surf the web, check facebook posts (Boy has facebook changed, I really don't like it anymore, another blog another time...) I also discovered using google calendar in that time. It was so much better than a paper calendar because you could click and drag blocks of time, share calendars with others, I could see it on any computer that I had internet access to! How amazing!
I really do think that we take technology for granted. Although another double edged sword, technology rules our world, and almost is a bad thing, however it is so convient, and makes like so wonderful sometimes.
So now that I'm about 2,000 characters into telling about how I got into google calendar, I'm getting to the point of this blog, my compulsiveness to "over commit" myself.
My recent overcommitment: i have 3 part time jobs, taking 2 classes, which is 2 too many part times, meaning I'm 2 full timing it.
I'm sick of doing too many things at once and only being able to do 40% of a job well done, when I want to give it 150% commitment.
Lets back track on how I get myself into this mess? Well for starters I can't say no. Then there is the fact that I want to do so many things at once (another version of not being able to say no, just not being able to say no to myself).
I have however gotten a little bit better at saying no to people, but I still need a lot of work on it. I'm realizing when I should say no, but not always saying no. Now the next step is realizing I need to say no, and then actually saying no.
Small baby steps. It's really good as long as I don't slide back down the hill.
And just another point, to bitch about "how i got in this mess"....well here is why I feel like I have no control over my life.
Graduated college, didn't get into dental school (main reason: because I didnt prepare for the DAT in a proper way, took the test when I wasn't prepared and got a lousy score, other reasons too but that was a big one).
So I didn't go to dental school after I graduated, which was sad but no biggie because I was going to apply again and get in the next time around. Next best thing, work at a dental office. I loved working at the dental office the previous summer, and was looking forward to coming back. I really loved learning about the field, all about the procedures, excited to get to learn how to assist, be in the "real world" etc. So things were going great, as I thought, and then slowly but surely things took a turn for the worst. It began way before, but really triggered at a staff meeting when we had a talk about what "overhead" is, and how much we need to "collect" to make our overhead. It was seriously a great topic for the staff meeting because honestly I think many people that work in medical fields forget that it is a business, and that "doctors" have tons of money to just blow around. The people in our office (myself included) did need to know how we were doing.
However, I really think that the take home message of this meeting got warped into "spend less" to make our collections more. And then some individuals morphed that into "be as cheap as possible" (wow that was kinda mean but hey this is my blog!).
Things at work got a little harder when we started in with "layoffs". Luckily, nobody at my office has been fired. However there were cuts in hours. (As an aside, I just want to point out some perspective here, lots of other people that I graduated with are in the same boat, as well as the rest of the country has been effected by this sucky economy, just so I dont seem like "woe is me" here).
So my hours got cut, what to do? Well get another job of course. (Oh by the was it didnt help that by this time I had managed to run up a little credit card debt of about $2,000 because I was mourning the loss of college and still spending like my parents were paying for everything, crazy how all those little purchases sneak up on you!).
I cut out my blackberry. That was a big move for me. I was paying about $120/month for my blackberry which was kind of insane considering I was only taking home about 200/week. So I got my cell phone bill down to about half, $58/month. (Oh and yes, this was the perfect time for my parents to decide that I should start paying for my own car insurance, smack another $600/twice a year on top of that).
Another aside, I am very gratefull that my parents have paid for so much, so I am compeltely taking responsibility for this that I was not financially smart. Believe me, I will totally handle my kids differently. That being said, I am learning a little bit the hard way because I was a little spoiled, and I totally know it. No excuses here on out though, I'm getting myself out of the small debt I got into, and thank god it wasnt too much because the little taste of "drowning" i felt from it was enough for me to never EVER need to do that again.
So re-cap, I got hours cut, and drowning in debt. Need another job. So after careful consideration, I decided to apply at the local grocery store, Weis. Please stay tuned for the full story on my brief employement at Weis Markets, it will be very entertaining!
So now, I'm working 20 hours at the dental office, and the deli at Weis is giving me about 20 hours a week, PERFECT! two part time jobs equals on full time job. Oh, did I forget, I'm also babysitting everyother weekend (but the money is so good, 10/hour tax free, and its just babysitting, getting paid to play? cant beat that!)
So now 20 hours plus the 4 hours of babysitting, oh yeah and class, well 3 times a week for 3 hours a class, that only adds up to 53 hours a week. Oh I'm supposed to get studying in? And right, I should probably excercise, and sleep right? Hmmm, and by the time I get all the shit done that my mom asks me, that should leave me with about negative 60 hours in the week!
Do you sense the sarcasm here?
But bringing myself back to reality. I don't have it that bad, my rent is being paid for by my parents (i just have to put up with living with my mother) and hey, atleast I have a job in this economy.
Its sad though in all honesty, becuase I feel so overworked and overstressed, and I'm only 22, and I havent even gotten to the most stressful times of mylife. Good thing I'm blogging now to relive all this stress, and hopefully I'm learning as I'm going.
Another aside...I have no MENTOR! I really wish I did. Another reason why I'm blogging. Because maybe one day I'll have a son or daughter who can look back and read this and say "wow, mom was going through the same shit i went through, maybe I can learn something here that could help me out"
BEcause honestly, I really wish that right now my mom wasnt so wound up in her (liteerally) blind little world that she could see that I'm struggling here and just dying for some help here.
Instead, this is what happens....I am given ANOTHER JOB! It really is histerical. It goes down something like this.
Clyde: So Laura, what are you doing tomorrow
Laura: Well I'm not working at the deli or at weis if thats what youre asking
Clyde: Well come into the office tomorrow
Laura: ok
obviously that wasnt word for word, but basically that was the conversation. Now, before I know it, I'm signing myself up to work at Clyde's business 2 1/2 days a week. HOLY SHIT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY LIFE!!!
Its just a littel frustrating that nobody bothered to ask me.
Reminds me of the "fake fight" that nicholas cage gets into in the 2nd national treasure movie, and his girlfriend says "just because you know my answer doesnt mean you dont have to ask me"
Well it felt kinda like that. Yes, of course I'd love to quit weis and work at BFI, but I'd like to atleast be asked, so then i could actually quit there, so now I'm not finishing out my last two weeks there AT THE SAME FREAKING TIME IM WORKING AT BFI. Ugh, this week for me is
M: work at BFI (Supposed to be at weis, but i'm going to call out)
T: work at dental office, class at night
W: work at dental office (supposed to be working at BFI, but working at dental office b/c im "on call)
Th: work at dental office, class at night
F: work at dental office, work at BFI, class at night
Sa: work at weis, baby sit
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
And you know what KILLS me?
My mom is complaining that she is going to have a tough week because she has ONE thing to do each day this week.
I know you shouldnt compare, or be competetive and shit, but she is one-uping me like whats her face on SNL. Seriously though mom, I really dont think that you having an excercise class in the morning, and then ladies cocktail night in the evening even comes close to me working two jobs in one day then going to class, or oh wait, being scheuled to work two jobs on the same day! Seriously mom, I'm working 4 jobs this week.
You know what kills me even more??
The fact that she says to my sister "There Laura goes again, getting herself over committed"
ahhh that made me want to scream. because although I confronted my mom about it, she totally told clyde to hire me, which means I didnt over commit myself, but SHE was the one signing me up for more! yes, she had good intentions of helping me out because she knew i wasnt like working at weis. but how about you come to ME, ask ME how I am, ask ME what you can do
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH "is this real life!????"
so wow, thats why I'm so stressed out. stay tuned for more psychobabble!
It was kind of my routine, and boy have I learned that routines work for me. (It is a double edged sword though, because routines sometimes =ruts).
Regardless, in that time that I would surf the web, check facebook posts (Boy has facebook changed, I really don't like it anymore, another blog another time...) I also discovered using google calendar in that time. It was so much better than a paper calendar because you could click and drag blocks of time, share calendars with others, I could see it on any computer that I had internet access to! How amazing!
I really do think that we take technology for granted. Although another double edged sword, technology rules our world, and almost is a bad thing, however it is so convient, and makes like so wonderful sometimes.
So now that I'm about 2,000 characters into telling about how I got into google calendar, I'm getting to the point of this blog, my compulsiveness to "over commit" myself.
My recent overcommitment: i have 3 part time jobs, taking 2 classes, which is 2 too many part times, meaning I'm 2 full timing it.
I'm sick of doing too many things at once and only being able to do 40% of a job well done, when I want to give it 150% commitment.
Lets back track on how I get myself into this mess? Well for starters I can't say no. Then there is the fact that I want to do so many things at once (another version of not being able to say no, just not being able to say no to myself).
I have however gotten a little bit better at saying no to people, but I still need a lot of work on it. I'm realizing when I should say no, but not always saying no. Now the next step is realizing I need to say no, and then actually saying no.
Small baby steps. It's really good as long as I don't slide back down the hill.
And just another point, to bitch about "how i got in this mess"....well here is why I feel like I have no control over my life.
Graduated college, didn't get into dental school (main reason: because I didnt prepare for the DAT in a proper way, took the test when I wasn't prepared and got a lousy score, other reasons too but that was a big one).
So I didn't go to dental school after I graduated, which was sad but no biggie because I was going to apply again and get in the next time around. Next best thing, work at a dental office. I loved working at the dental office the previous summer, and was looking forward to coming back. I really loved learning about the field, all about the procedures, excited to get to learn how to assist, be in the "real world" etc. So things were going great, as I thought, and then slowly but surely things took a turn for the worst. It began way before, but really triggered at a staff meeting when we had a talk about what "overhead" is, and how much we need to "collect" to make our overhead. It was seriously a great topic for the staff meeting because honestly I think many people that work in medical fields forget that it is a business, and that "doctors" have tons of money to just blow around. The people in our office (myself included) did need to know how we were doing.
However, I really think that the take home message of this meeting got warped into "spend less" to make our collections more. And then some individuals morphed that into "be as cheap as possible" (wow that was kinda mean but hey this is my blog!).
Things at work got a little harder when we started in with "layoffs". Luckily, nobody at my office has been fired. However there were cuts in hours. (As an aside, I just want to point out some perspective here, lots of other people that I graduated with are in the same boat, as well as the rest of the country has been effected by this sucky economy, just so I dont seem like "woe is me" here).
So my hours got cut, what to do? Well get another job of course. (Oh by the was it didnt help that by this time I had managed to run up a little credit card debt of about $2,000 because I was mourning the loss of college and still spending like my parents were paying for everything, crazy how all those little purchases sneak up on you!).
I cut out my blackberry. That was a big move for me. I was paying about $120/month for my blackberry which was kind of insane considering I was only taking home about 200/week. So I got my cell phone bill down to about half, $58/month. (Oh and yes, this was the perfect time for my parents to decide that I should start paying for my own car insurance, smack another $600/twice a year on top of that).
Another aside, I am very gratefull that my parents have paid for so much, so I am compeltely taking responsibility for this that I was not financially smart. Believe me, I will totally handle my kids differently. That being said, I am learning a little bit the hard way because I was a little spoiled, and I totally know it. No excuses here on out though, I'm getting myself out of the small debt I got into, and thank god it wasnt too much because the little taste of "drowning" i felt from it was enough for me to never EVER need to do that again.
So re-cap, I got hours cut, and drowning in debt. Need another job. So after careful consideration, I decided to apply at the local grocery store, Weis. Please stay tuned for the full story on my brief employement at Weis Markets, it will be very entertaining!
So now, I'm working 20 hours at the dental office, and the deli at Weis is giving me about 20 hours a week, PERFECT! two part time jobs equals on full time job. Oh, did I forget, I'm also babysitting everyother weekend (but the money is so good, 10/hour tax free, and its just babysitting, getting paid to play? cant beat that!)
So now 20 hours plus the 4 hours of babysitting, oh yeah and class, well 3 times a week for 3 hours a class, that only adds up to 53 hours a week. Oh I'm supposed to get studying in? And right, I should probably excercise, and sleep right? Hmmm, and by the time I get all the shit done that my mom asks me, that should leave me with about negative 60 hours in the week!
Do you sense the sarcasm here?
But bringing myself back to reality. I don't have it that bad, my rent is being paid for by my parents (i just have to put up with living with my mother) and hey, atleast I have a job in this economy.
Its sad though in all honesty, becuase I feel so overworked and overstressed, and I'm only 22, and I havent even gotten to the most stressful times of mylife. Good thing I'm blogging now to relive all this stress, and hopefully I'm learning as I'm going.
Another aside...I have no MENTOR! I really wish I did. Another reason why I'm blogging. Because maybe one day I'll have a son or daughter who can look back and read this and say "wow, mom was going through the same shit i went through, maybe I can learn something here that could help me out"
BEcause honestly, I really wish that right now my mom wasnt so wound up in her (liteerally) blind little world that she could see that I'm struggling here and just dying for some help here.
Instead, this is what happens....I am given ANOTHER JOB! It really is histerical. It goes down something like this.
Clyde: So Laura, what are you doing tomorrow
Laura: Well I'm not working at the deli or at weis if thats what youre asking
Clyde: Well come into the office tomorrow
Laura: ok
obviously that wasnt word for word, but basically that was the conversation. Now, before I know it, I'm signing myself up to work at Clyde's business 2 1/2 days a week. HOLY SHIT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY LIFE!!!
Its just a littel frustrating that nobody bothered to ask me.
Reminds me of the "fake fight" that nicholas cage gets into in the 2nd national treasure movie, and his girlfriend says "just because you know my answer doesnt mean you dont have to ask me"
Well it felt kinda like that. Yes, of course I'd love to quit weis and work at BFI, but I'd like to atleast be asked, so then i could actually quit there, so now I'm not finishing out my last two weeks there AT THE SAME FREAKING TIME IM WORKING AT BFI. Ugh, this week for me is
M: work at BFI (Supposed to be at weis, but i'm going to call out)
T: work at dental office, class at night
W: work at dental office (supposed to be working at BFI, but working at dental office b/c im "on call)
Th: work at dental office, class at night
F: work at dental office, work at BFI, class at night
Sa: work at weis, baby sit
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
And you know what KILLS me?
My mom is complaining that she is going to have a tough week because she has ONE thing to do each day this week.
I know you shouldnt compare, or be competetive and shit, but she is one-uping me like whats her face on SNL. Seriously though mom, I really dont think that you having an excercise class in the morning, and then ladies cocktail night in the evening even comes close to me working two jobs in one day then going to class, or oh wait, being scheuled to work two jobs on the same day! Seriously mom, I'm working 4 jobs this week.
You know what kills me even more??
The fact that she says to my sister "There Laura goes again, getting herself over committed"
ahhh that made me want to scream. because although I confronted my mom about it, she totally told clyde to hire me, which means I didnt over commit myself, but SHE was the one signing me up for more! yes, she had good intentions of helping me out because she knew i wasnt like working at weis. but how about you come to ME, ask ME how I am, ask ME what you can do
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH "is this real life!????"
so wow, thats why I'm so stressed out. stay tuned for more psychobabble!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Online Dating, The Asshole
His 1st email to me:
Buongiorno! Come lei è la signora molto bello? mi chiamo il Renzo. il piacere è tutto il mio! (Hello, how are you? My name is Renzo, pleasures all mine!) You have such resplendent penetrating pensive eyes and this narcotically hypnotic aura of esoteric magnetism that you exude so seductively.... Naturally, I'm curious to delve your intriguing thoughts...What's the most important thing that men don't understand about women?
Ciao
Renzo
My response:
That they think they can send a bull shit email like you just sent me, and think that I'm impressed.
No thanks.
His email back:
Listen the only thing "about average" apropos of you is your lack of any dignity or respect. But hey, that's what trailer trash rednecks are for!
Well, all the same but If you ever get the chance to leave your pig farm, come to the city to 17th and Q street NW. There's a place called Hanks Oyster bar, and a circa 1880 white mansion right next to it with a $200K Silver hardtop convertible AMG parked out front. That's my car and my house...So its inherent that you're a jealous neurotic ennui obsessive compulsive, dismally low self esteemed hornswoggling obese dike. So be a good inbred and play with your pet pigs and chickens....and I'll keep playing with my sexy little model sluts every night of the cucci motherf*ckun poppin week!
Ciao
Renzo
P.S. You didn't date anyone in college because nobody in their right motherf*ckun mind would dare to give a slob like yourself so much as a "hello"!
Buongiorno! Come lei è la signora molto bello? mi chiamo il Renzo. il piacere è tutto il mio! (Hello, how are you? My name is Renzo, pleasures all mine!) You have such resplendent penetrating pensive eyes and this narcotically hypnotic aura of esoteric magnetism that you exude so seductively.... Naturally, I'm curious to delve your intriguing thoughts...What's the most important thing that men don't understand about women?
Ciao
Renzo
My response:
That they think they can send a bull shit email like you just sent me, and think that I'm impressed.
No thanks.
His email back:
Listen the only thing "about average" apropos of you is your lack of any dignity or respect. But hey, that's what trailer trash rednecks are for!
Well, all the same but If you ever get the chance to leave your pig farm, come to the city to 17th and Q street NW. There's a place called Hanks Oyster bar, and a circa 1880 white mansion right next to it with a $200K Silver hardtop convertible AMG parked out front. That's my car and my house...So its inherent that you're a jealous neurotic ennui obsessive compulsive, dismally low self esteemed hornswoggling obese dike. So be a good inbred and play with your pet pigs and chickens....and I'll keep playing with my sexy little model sluts every night of the cucci motherf*ckun poppin week!
Ciao
Renzo
P.S. You didn't date anyone in college because nobody in their right motherf*ckun mind would dare to give a slob like yourself so much as a "hello"!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Online Dating, About You
Things that I want to scream when I read in your introduction:
1. "I'm new to online dating"
1. "I'm new to online dating"
- I read this on just about everybody's profile, so obviously everybody else is new too.
- Well then you are an idiot and I wouldn't waste my time with you
- Seriously? You don't know what to say? This reminds me of in highschool and you are being taught how to write a paper. Don't write "I am writing about Topic A...", skip all those words and just write about Topic A.
- Other versions: "I dont like talking about myself", "Hmmm 2,000 characters, lets see", etc
- Well no shit, it already says that in your profile, you don't have to re-write it here. Youre wasting your 2, 000 characters!! (haha just gotta laugh at that)
- Make it at least a paragraph, If there is nothing written there, I'm going to skip it.
- Tell me something beyond the basics
Online Dating, Proflie Picture Pet Peeves
In my ongoing blogs about online dating, I find it extremely necessary to talk about my pet peeves of profiles.
There are actually so many, that I have dedicated this one to profile pictures alone!
Just a caveat, I might be sounding harsh here, but hey, someone's gotta say it.
1. Post a picture
Bonus: Posting more than one. Once again, just helps me get to know you.
There are actually so many, that I have dedicated this one to profile pictures alone!
Just a caveat, I might be sounding harsh here, but hey, someone's gotta say it.
1. Post a picture
- If I don't know what you look like, I'm not going to be interested in getting to know you.
- It's not a matter of being shallow, or that looks matter more than personality, but lets get real, if you don't post a picture, I think its weird, does that mean that you are hiding something?
- Pictures are worth a thousand words. I love it when pictures almost tell a story in themselves (picture with your family, your friends, places you like to travel, you doing your hobbies, etc.)
- Just a no-brainer, make sure it is a clear and visible.
- Well good, you atleast put a picture of youself, so props for that.
- NO pictures of you in front of the mirror holding out your camera. This looks stupid, it also says to me "I have no life so I go nowhere and have no pictures of myself." I have asked someone why they did this, the response: " I don't want to ask a friend to take my picture for me because I'm embarrassed to be dating online." Well I can sympathize with that, but you are dating online, so get over it.
- NO pictures of you without your shirt on (unless you are on a beach, but I'm talking about the combo no shirt + holding camera up in front of the mirror). I get that guys want to show off their chest, but its a little embarrassing for me to look at these. I just get the feeling that you are really into yourself, or that you masturbated right after, yuck.
- I go out drinking too, so no judgement
- I realize for guys, the only pictures they may have is of them out at bars
- Try to balance out the drinking + not drinking pictures, it will make you look like less of an alcoholic
- Sometimes I've even seen drinking pictures of guys doing the "lick pussy" face, what the hell? You are trying to sell yourself here as a nice guy, that's just crass.
- Ok once again, I realize you might only have these types of pictures, but atelast but a label as to who is standing next to you so I don't think they are all ex-girlfriends
- (alongside that, if there is a kid in the picture, label that too so I know if its just a kid or its your kid)
- Also, don't obviously crop out a girl, thats tacky
- Let's have a picture of YOU in your profile picture, I mean thats great that you went to a mountain and took a picture of it, but maybe put that in your online photo album and show it to me later.
- Funny angled pictures that are not so artsy= not so flattering
Bonus: Posting more than one. Once again, just helps me get to know you.
Online Dating, Introduction.
I've been told (and have even thought myself) that I should blog the trials and tribulations of my dating online. So here it goes...
I guess like most others, I became familiar with the online dating concept a couple years back when e harmony and match.com commercials were seen frequently on TV. Of course, looking back, I remember being little and reading those personal ads in the newspaper, asking my Mom, "what does SWM seeking SWF" mean? So in all respects, the concept of online dating is not new by any means, it is kind of like a more modern personal ad you would take out in the newspaper.
Another interesting moment was in one of my psychology classes (I think it was lifespan development) I was reading my text and there was a section about dating online. I thought it so weird that it was in a text book. I guess my point in saying all this is to ponder the acceptance of "online dating". I think dating in my generation is completely different. With all the facebook, myspace, twitter, IM, text, etc, it is a completely different game then just a few years ago. So hopefully this blog can help me sort out my dating troubles, and help others.
How I got started. (A long winded introduction....)
After college, I started seeing a therapist/counselor, Beth. I really thought she was great. She helped me out a lot to manage my anxiety, get through the transition of moving home after college (although I'm really not "through" that yet!), and help me with the stress around Carolyn's wedding, and dealing with my Dad's bullshit. (Expansion on this whole bit in another blog topic to come...) I'm no longer seeing her as a therapist, but she was the one who introduced me to the idea, and really got me to pursue online dating.
Something that I was really feeling unhappy about at that time was that I was single, and had been single pretty much since highschool. While in college I "re-dated" some boyfriends (big mistake!), and had a couple one-night stands, and a couple "repeated" one night stands as I will refer to it.
So I was kind of on a mission to change my dating style. Of course I realized first, you cannot sleep with a guy the first night and expect for it to turn into a serious relationship. I was ready to quit the hook up phase, because come on, after college that pretty disrespectful to yourself (although I'll probably do it again, so lets not get hypocritical...)
Other things that were/ are influencing me: The book "he's just not that into you." A must read! It totally gives girls perspective on how a guy thinks in relationships. Its really also a great smack of reality because lets face it, sometimes a little bit of alcohol will make you cry about old boyfriends, and its just plain STUPID! I can't believe how much time I wasted thinking about past relationships, I almost feel if I had invested that energy elsewhere that I would be so much better off right now. Oh well.
So, one exercise that Beth had me to was write down a list of traits I wanted in my "perfect man" and gave me about 2 minutes. Then she said to narrow down the list to just 10 things.
She said, now that is your perfect man. Those are you're "standards" or what you are looking for.
My initial reaction was "wow, I'm looking for a gay man!"
So anyways, she told me to just go for it. And so I took the leap and just did it.
I first joined e harmony. I thought that it was going to be able to match me with someone compatible, just like the commercials say. I thought it would be better than match.com because it would be matching me among personality traits.
I thought it was really great at first, "wow" look at all these single guys! I can screen them right here in the comfort of my own home.
What I found with e harmony though, was that I was putting a lot of effort in writing back and forth to people, but then never hearing from them again. It felt like I was always on a job interview.
I also noticed that I wasn't getting anybody that I was actually all that really interested in. I would even initiate conversations with those who I was interested in, but never heard from them.
Story of my life: I am not interested in guys who are interested in me, and vice versa!
So after doing e harmony for awhile, I switched to match.com. Between the two, I would suggest Match.com. I like it better because you can "wink" which is just so much easier. That way you can quickly tell if a person is interested or not.
I also like the IM feature, and the email feature. It lets you pretty quickly get to know someone enough to see if you'd like actually want to meet this person.
So thats about it for the introduction, stay tuned for more.
I guess like most others, I became familiar with the online dating concept a couple years back when e harmony and match.com commercials were seen frequently on TV. Of course, looking back, I remember being little and reading those personal ads in the newspaper, asking my Mom, "what does SWM seeking SWF" mean? So in all respects, the concept of online dating is not new by any means, it is kind of like a more modern personal ad you would take out in the newspaper.
Another interesting moment was in one of my psychology classes (I think it was lifespan development) I was reading my text and there was a section about dating online. I thought it so weird that it was in a text book. I guess my point in saying all this is to ponder the acceptance of "online dating". I think dating in my generation is completely different. With all the facebook, myspace, twitter, IM, text, etc, it is a completely different game then just a few years ago. So hopefully this blog can help me sort out my dating troubles, and help others.
How I got started. (A long winded introduction....)
After college, I started seeing a therapist/counselor, Beth. I really thought she was great. She helped me out a lot to manage my anxiety, get through the transition of moving home after college (although I'm really not "through" that yet!), and help me with the stress around Carolyn's wedding, and dealing with my Dad's bullshit. (Expansion on this whole bit in another blog topic to come...) I'm no longer seeing her as a therapist, but she was the one who introduced me to the idea, and really got me to pursue online dating.
Something that I was really feeling unhappy about at that time was that I was single, and had been single pretty much since highschool. While in college I "re-dated" some boyfriends (big mistake!), and had a couple one-night stands, and a couple "repeated" one night stands as I will refer to it.
So I was kind of on a mission to change my dating style. Of course I realized first, you cannot sleep with a guy the first night and expect for it to turn into a serious relationship. I was ready to quit the hook up phase, because come on, after college that pretty disrespectful to yourself (although I'll probably do it again, so lets not get hypocritical...)
Other things that were/ are influencing me: The book "he's just not that into you." A must read! It totally gives girls perspective on how a guy thinks in relationships. Its really also a great smack of reality because lets face it, sometimes a little bit of alcohol will make you cry about old boyfriends, and its just plain STUPID! I can't believe how much time I wasted thinking about past relationships, I almost feel if I had invested that energy elsewhere that I would be so much better off right now. Oh well.
So, one exercise that Beth had me to was write down a list of traits I wanted in my "perfect man" and gave me about 2 minutes. Then she said to narrow down the list to just 10 things.
She said, now that is your perfect man. Those are you're "standards" or what you are looking for.
My initial reaction was "wow, I'm looking for a gay man!"
So anyways, she told me to just go for it. And so I took the leap and just did it.
I first joined e harmony. I thought that it was going to be able to match me with someone compatible, just like the commercials say. I thought it would be better than match.com because it would be matching me among personality traits.
I thought it was really great at first, "wow" look at all these single guys! I can screen them right here in the comfort of my own home.
What I found with e harmony though, was that I was putting a lot of effort in writing back and forth to people, but then never hearing from them again. It felt like I was always on a job interview.
I also noticed that I wasn't getting anybody that I was actually all that really interested in. I would even initiate conversations with those who I was interested in, but never heard from them.
Story of my life: I am not interested in guys who are interested in me, and vice versa!
So after doing e harmony for awhile, I switched to match.com. Between the two, I would suggest Match.com. I like it better because you can "wink" which is just so much easier. That way you can quickly tell if a person is interested or not.
I also like the IM feature, and the email feature. It lets you pretty quickly get to know someone enough to see if you'd like actually want to meet this person.
So thats about it for the introduction, stay tuned for more.
Self-Induced ADD
I think that I have self-induced ADD. If it isn't already in the DSM, I'm adding it, we shall call it SIADD.
Seriously though, I really would find it hard to believe if I'm the only person who suffers from this.
Definition/ Symptoms:
Having good intentions of working really hard (at whatever studying/ reading/ project, etc needs to be done). Sitting down to get work done. Being pumped at doing a good job, getting started. Then 2 minutes later feeling completely exhausted.
I think this started (or atleast I noticed it) spring '08 semester at Elon. I really noticed it when I was working on my psychology senior seminar project. I had to write this gigantic paper and give a presentation on it. The due date kept creeping closer and closer. I had ample time to work on it, but for some reason I just couldn't get it done. It was ridiculous. So then I'd distract myself by cleaning my room, taking a shower, getting all my materials organized. Then finally sit down at my desk, and almost just stare and my work and get nothing accomplished.
I'm not attention deficit, or as it is typcially known as, because I can pay attention to cleaning my room for hours on end, I can work on sudoku puzzles for hours on end, I can even sit through class without getting distracted.
But for some reason, I can't get important shit down!
Now I'm having the same problem preparing for the DAT.
I realize the imesnse importance of preparing for the DAT. Maybe that is why I am having a hard time "buckling down" and studying for it. Maybe it is just my coping mechanism.
It doesn't make sense though. I stress about how much I have not yet studied for it, and yet when I get the time to, I don't. You would think that I would just study when I got the chance because that would lessen my stress.
I'm trying to learn that there is no sense in worrying. In this case, dont worry, but spend that worrying energy in studying. Then, you have studied, and you won't need to worry!
UGh, well I'm going to now go to the bathroom, floss, make my bed, then probably blog somemore instead of studying.
Seriously though, I really would find it hard to believe if I'm the only person who suffers from this.
Definition/ Symptoms:
Having good intentions of working really hard (at whatever studying/ reading/ project, etc needs to be done). Sitting down to get work done. Being pumped at doing a good job, getting started. Then 2 minutes later feeling completely exhausted.
I think this started (or atleast I noticed it) spring '08 semester at Elon. I really noticed it when I was working on my psychology senior seminar project. I had to write this gigantic paper and give a presentation on it. The due date kept creeping closer and closer. I had ample time to work on it, but for some reason I just couldn't get it done. It was ridiculous. So then I'd distract myself by cleaning my room, taking a shower, getting all my materials organized. Then finally sit down at my desk, and almost just stare and my work and get nothing accomplished.
I'm not attention deficit, or as it is typcially known as, because I can pay attention to cleaning my room for hours on end, I can work on sudoku puzzles for hours on end, I can even sit through class without getting distracted.
But for some reason, I can't get important shit down!
Now I'm having the same problem preparing for the DAT.
I realize the imesnse importance of preparing for the DAT. Maybe that is why I am having a hard time "buckling down" and studying for it. Maybe it is just my coping mechanism.
It doesn't make sense though. I stress about how much I have not yet studied for it, and yet when I get the time to, I don't. You would think that I would just study when I got the chance because that would lessen my stress.
I'm trying to learn that there is no sense in worrying. In this case, dont worry, but spend that worrying energy in studying. Then, you have studied, and you won't need to worry!
UGh, well I'm going to now go to the bathroom, floss, make my bed, then probably blog somemore instead of studying.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Quotes
It’s just like magic. When you live by yourself, all of your annoying habits are gone.
-Merrill Markoe
The road to hell is paved with good intentions
- My Mom
“In essence, if we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions. It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently.”
Anthony Robbins
Most people give up just when they're about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.
H. Ross Perot
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Let it ride...
So another life discovery that I made today. Don't just let it ride.
I don't think there will be an easy answer or way out of this dilemma. However, I like to let things sit, or "sleep on it" when I have some kind of problem, or if I feel to emotional about something and I want to think it over rationally. For example. lately, I've been wanting to approach my bosses about some frustrations I've been having at work. I don't want to just go running up to them immaturely and scream "I hate this...I hate that, I cant stand it!!!....." because I just don't think that would be effective. However, while trying to really put together my thoughts, I think I'm just bottling in my emotions, and letting the problems ride.
I was speaking to my Mom today and I realized, surprise!, she does the same thing. Waiting too long, and "sticking it out" for way too long, to the point where it is almost self destructive.
She stuck it out and waited forever to leave my dad, and then she stuck it out in the end in her job that was horrible. Now that being said, she was very strong in these two hard times of her life. But she even said after those two times were over, it was so amazing how stress free and better she felt.
Just something to ponder.
I don't think there will be an easy answer or way out of this dilemma. However, I like to let things sit, or "sleep on it" when I have some kind of problem, or if I feel to emotional about something and I want to think it over rationally. For example. lately, I've been wanting to approach my bosses about some frustrations I've been having at work. I don't want to just go running up to them immaturely and scream "I hate this...I hate that, I cant stand it!!!....." because I just don't think that would be effective. However, while trying to really put together my thoughts, I think I'm just bottling in my emotions, and letting the problems ride.
I was speaking to my Mom today and I realized, surprise!, she does the same thing. Waiting too long, and "sticking it out" for way too long, to the point where it is almost self destructive.
She stuck it out and waited forever to leave my dad, and then she stuck it out in the end in her job that was horrible. Now that being said, she was very strong in these two hard times of her life. But she even said after those two times were over, it was so amazing how stress free and better she felt.
Just something to ponder.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The Real World
Gripe #1: Work
I guess I should celebrate that I am now officially in the working world, and that I still have another 40 or so years to go!
With that being said, I realize I have so much to learn, and I totally did not think I would be where I am today. A year ago, before graduating college, I would've thought I'd be much further, have had a lot more $ in the bank, and a lot more respect from others, and more knowledge of the workplace.
So I guess the lesson that I learned it that life moves a little slower than you thought it would, and I should probably embrace it. I mean I'm still feeling like time is flying, and that "holy crap how is it April 2009 already!?" However, I'm not getting as much done in the small amount of time I gave myself. Another lesson, don't cram too much for yourself into short amounts of time, it just won't all get done, and it will just stress you out.
Quote I recently heard and liked: "Having expectations are just pre-meditated disappointments" (credit to my friend's mother in AA)
I guess I should celebrate that I am now officially in the working world, and that I still have another 40 or so years to go!
With that being said, I realize I have so much to learn, and I totally did not think I would be where I am today. A year ago, before graduating college, I would've thought I'd be much further, have had a lot more $ in the bank, and a lot more respect from others, and more knowledge of the workplace.
So I guess the lesson that I learned it that life moves a little slower than you thought it would, and I should probably embrace it. I mean I'm still feeling like time is flying, and that "holy crap how is it April 2009 already!?" However, I'm not getting as much done in the small amount of time I gave myself. Another lesson, don't cram too much for yourself into short amounts of time, it just won't all get done, and it will just stress you out.
Quote I recently heard and liked: "Having expectations are just pre-meditated disappointments" (credit to my friend's mother in AA)
Beginning to Blog
So here it goes. Another attempt at keeping up a journal. Seems to be that I'm always starting to do something, but never finishing it. Hopefully this time will be different (sound familiar? yeah that's because it is exactly what I said to myself the last time)
So why am I going to try to keep up this blog?
1) I keep telling myself that I want to keep up a journal, so its about time that I follow through
2) I think it will be a good way to de-stress and vent about problems, and therefore hopefully reaching some clarity, without bugging my family and friends too much about my problems
3) It will be nice to get perspective. Especially looking back at what I was going through at certain times, and being able to see how far I've grown.
So I'll keep it short and sweet for now. Much more to complain about later!
So why am I going to try to keep up this blog?
1) I keep telling myself that I want to keep up a journal, so its about time that I follow through
2) I think it will be a good way to de-stress and vent about problems, and therefore hopefully reaching some clarity, without bugging my family and friends too much about my problems
3) It will be nice to get perspective. Especially looking back at what I was going through at certain times, and being able to see how far I've grown.
So I'll keep it short and sweet for now. Much more to complain about later!
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