Online Dating, Introduction.

I've been told (and have even thought myself) that I should blog the trials and tribulations of my dating online. So here it goes...

I guess like most others, I became familiar with the online dating concept a couple years back when e harmony and match.com commercials were seen frequently on TV. Of course, looking back, I remember being little and reading those personal ads in the newspaper, asking my Mom, "what does SWM seeking SWF" mean? So in all respects, the concept of online dating is not new by any means, it is kind of like a more modern personal ad you would take out in the newspaper.

Another interesting moment was in one of my psychology classes (I think it was lifespan development) I was reading my text and there was a section about dating online. I thought it so weird that it was in a text book. I guess my point in saying all this is to ponder the acceptance of "online dating". I think dating in my generation is completely different. With all the facebook, myspace, twitter, IM, text, etc, it is a completely different game then just a few years ago. So hopefully this blog can help me sort out my dating troubles, and help others.

How I got started. (A long winded introduction....)

After college, I started seeing a therapist/counselor, Beth. I really thought she was great. She helped me out a lot to manage my anxiety, get through the transition of moving home after college (although I'm really not "through" that yet!), and help me with the stress around Carolyn's wedding, and dealing with my Dad's bullshit. (Expansion on this whole bit in another blog topic to come...) I'm no longer seeing her as a therapist, but she was the one who introduced me to the idea, and really got me to pursue online dating.

Something that I was really feeling unhappy about at that time was that I was single, and had been single pretty much since highschool. While in college I "re-dated" some boyfriends (big mistake!), and had a couple one-night stands, and a couple "repeated" one night stands as I will refer to it.

So I was kind of on a mission to change my dating style. Of course I realized first, you cannot sleep with a guy the first night and expect for it to turn into a serious relationship. I was ready to quit the hook up phase, because come on, after college that pretty disrespectful to yourself (although I'll probably do it again, so lets not get hypocritical...)

Other things that were/ are influencing me: The book "he's just not that into you." A must read! It totally gives girls perspective on how a guy thinks in relationships. Its really also a great smack of reality because lets face it, sometimes a little bit of alcohol will make you cry about old boyfriends, and its just plain STUPID! I can't believe how much time I wasted thinking about past relationships, I almost feel if I had invested that energy elsewhere that I would be so much better off right now. Oh well.

So, one exercise that Beth had me to was write down a list of traits I wanted in my "perfect man" and gave me about 2 minutes. Then she said to narrow down the list to just 10 things.

She said, now that is your perfect man. Those are you're "standards" or what you are looking for.

My initial reaction was "wow, I'm looking for a gay man!"

So anyways, she told me to just go for it. And so I took the leap and just did it.

I first joined e harmony. I thought that it was going to be able to match me with someone compatible, just like the commercials say. I thought it would be better than match.com because it would be matching me among personality traits.

I thought it was really great at first, "wow" look at all these single guys! I can screen them right here in the comfort of my own home.

What I found with e harmony though, was that I was putting a lot of effort in writing back and forth to people, but then never hearing from them again. It felt like I was always on a job interview.

I also noticed that I wasn't getting anybody that I was actually all that really interested in. I would even initiate conversations with those who I was interested in, but never heard from them.

Story of my life: I am not interested in guys who are interested in me, and vice versa!

So after doing e harmony for awhile, I switched to match.com. Between the two, I would suggest Match.com. I like it better because you can "wink" which is just so much easier. That way you can quickly tell if a person is interested or not.

I also like the IM feature, and the email feature. It lets you pretty quickly get to know someone enough to see if you'd like actually want to meet this person.

So thats about it for the introduction, stay tuned for more.