Pencil Me In

Google calendar, well all google apps are amazing. Google calendar in particular however can be credited with saving my life. The day that I realized I can make a color coded event, repeating every week at the same time every week changed my life. I can acutally remember the moment. I had two psychology courses back to back on Tues/Thurs my Junior year. (That semester I was very "balanced" I had two bio courses on M/W/F, and two psych courses every Tu/Th, funny how you can still remember your class schedule, anyways...). So on those days I would go from one psych class to another, but since they were both in the same building, Long, I had a little bit of a time gap. I didnt have quite enough time to get anything done, so I would get to my other class early, and stop in the computer lab and check my email.

It was kind of my routine, and boy have I learned that routines work for me. (It is a double edged sword though, because routines sometimes =ruts).

Regardless, in that time that I would surf the web, check facebook posts (Boy has facebook changed, I really don't like it anymore, another blog another time...) I also discovered using google calendar in that time. It was so much better than a paper calendar because you could click and drag blocks of time, share calendars with others, I could see it on any computer that I had internet access to! How amazing!

I really do think that we take technology for granted. Although another double edged sword, technology rules our world, and almost is a bad thing, however it is so convient, and makes like so wonderful sometimes.

So now that I'm about 2,000 characters into telling about how I got into google calendar, I'm getting to the point of this blog, my compulsiveness to "over commit" myself.

My recent overcommitment: i have 3 part time jobs, taking 2 classes, which is 2 too many part times, meaning I'm 2 full timing it.

I'm sick of doing too many things at once and only being able to do 40% of a job well done, when I want to give it 150% commitment.

Lets back track on how I get myself into this mess? Well for starters I can't say no. Then there is the fact that I want to do so many things at once (another version of not being able to say no, just not being able to say no to myself).

I have however gotten a little bit better at saying no to people, but I still need a lot of work on it. I'm realizing when I should say no, but not always saying no. Now the next step is realizing I need to say no, and then actually saying no.

Small baby steps. It's really good as long as I don't slide back down the hill.

And just another point, to bitch about "how i got in this mess"....well here is why I feel like I have no control over my life.

Graduated college, didn't get into dental school (main reason: because I didnt prepare for the DAT in a proper way, took the test when I wasn't prepared and got a lousy score, other reasons too but that was a big one).

So I didn't go to dental school after I graduated, which was sad but no biggie because I was going to apply again and get in the next time around. Next best thing, work at a dental office. I loved working at the dental office the previous summer, and was looking forward to coming back. I really loved learning about the field, all about the procedures, excited to get to learn how to assist, be in the "real world" etc. So things were going great, as I thought, and then slowly but surely things took a turn for the worst. It began way before, but really triggered at a staff meeting when we had a talk about what "overhead" is, and how much we need to "collect" to make our overhead. It was seriously a great topic for the staff meeting because honestly I think many people that work in medical fields forget that it is a business, and that "doctors" have tons of money to just blow around. The people in our office (myself included) did need to know how we were doing.

However, I really think that the take home message of this meeting got warped into "spend less" to make our collections more. And then some individuals morphed that into "be as cheap as possible" (wow that was kinda mean but hey this is my blog!).

Things at work got a little harder when we started in with "layoffs". Luckily, nobody at my office has been fired. However there were cuts in hours. (As an aside, I just want to point out some perspective here, lots of other people that I graduated with are in the same boat, as well as the rest of the country has been effected by this sucky economy, just so I dont seem like "woe is me" here).

So my hours got cut, what to do? Well get another job of course. (Oh by the was it didnt help that by this time I had managed to run up a little credit card debt of about $2,000 because I was mourning the loss of college and still spending like my parents were paying for everything, crazy how all those little purchases sneak up on you!).

I cut out my blackberry. That was a big move for me. I was paying about $120/month for my blackberry which was kind of insane considering I was only taking home about 200/week. So I got my cell phone bill down to about half, $58/month. (Oh and yes, this was the perfect time for my parents to decide that I should start paying for my own car insurance, smack another $600/twice a year on top of that).

Another aside, I am very gratefull that my parents have paid for so much, so I am compeltely taking responsibility for this that I was not financially smart. Believe me, I will totally handle my kids differently. That being said, I am learning a little bit the hard way because I was a little spoiled, and I totally know it. No excuses here on out though, I'm getting myself out of the small debt I got into, and thank god it wasnt too much because the little taste of "drowning" i felt from it was enough for me to never EVER need to do that again.

So re-cap, I got hours cut, and drowning in debt. Need another job. So after careful consideration, I decided to apply at the local grocery store, Weis. Please stay tuned for the full story on my brief employement at Weis Markets, it will be very entertaining!

So now, I'm working 20 hours at the dental office, and the deli at Weis is giving me about 20 hours a week, PERFECT! two part time jobs equals on full time job. Oh, did I forget, I'm also babysitting everyother weekend (but the money is so good, 10/hour tax free, and its just babysitting, getting paid to play? cant beat that!)

So now 20 hours plus the 4 hours of babysitting, oh yeah and class, well 3 times a week for 3 hours a class, that only adds up to 53 hours a week. Oh I'm supposed to get studying in? And right, I should probably excercise, and sleep right? Hmmm, and by the time I get all the shit done that my mom asks me, that should leave me with about negative 60 hours in the week!

Do you sense the sarcasm here?

But bringing myself back to reality. I don't have it that bad, my rent is being paid for by my parents (i just have to put up with living with my mother) and hey, atleast I have a job in this economy.

Its sad though in all honesty, becuase I feel so overworked and overstressed, and I'm only 22, and I havent even gotten to the most stressful times of mylife. Good thing I'm blogging now to relive all this stress, and hopefully I'm learning as I'm going.

Another aside...I have no MENTOR! I really wish I did. Another reason why I'm blogging. Because maybe one day I'll have a son or daughter who can look back and read this and say "wow, mom was going through the same shit i went through, maybe I can learn something here that could help me out"

BEcause honestly, I really wish that right now my mom wasnt so wound up in her (liteerally) blind little world that she could see that I'm struggling here and just dying for some help here.

Instead, this is what happens....I am given ANOTHER JOB! It really is histerical. It goes down something like this.

Clyde: So Laura, what are you doing tomorrow
Laura: Well I'm not working at the deli or at weis if thats what youre asking
Clyde: Well come into the office tomorrow
Laura: ok

obviously that wasnt word for word, but basically that was the conversation. Now, before I know it, I'm signing myself up to work at Clyde's business 2 1/2 days a week. HOLY SHIT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY LIFE!!!

Its just a littel frustrating that nobody bothered to ask me.

Reminds me of the "fake fight" that nicholas cage gets into in the 2nd national treasure movie, and his girlfriend says "just because you know my answer doesnt mean you dont have to ask me"

Well it felt kinda like that. Yes, of course I'd love to quit weis and work at BFI, but I'd like to atleast be asked, so then i could actually quit there, so now I'm not finishing out my last two weeks there AT THE SAME FREAKING TIME IM WORKING AT BFI. Ugh, this week for me is

M: work at BFI (Supposed to be at weis, but i'm going to call out)
T: work at dental office, class at night
W: work at dental office (supposed to be working at BFI, but working at dental office b/c im "on call)
Th: work at dental office, class at night
F: work at dental office, work at BFI, class at night
Sa: work at weis, baby sit

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

And you know what KILLS me?

My mom is complaining that she is going to have a tough week because she has ONE thing to do each day this week.

I know you shouldnt compare, or be competetive and shit, but she is one-uping me like whats her face on SNL. Seriously though mom, I really dont think that you having an excercise class in the morning, and then ladies cocktail night in the evening even comes close to me working two jobs in one day then going to class, or oh wait, being scheuled to work two jobs on the same day! Seriously mom, I'm working 4 jobs this week.

You know what kills me even more??

The fact that she says to my sister "There Laura goes again, getting herself over committed"

ahhh that made me want to scream. because although I confronted my mom about it, she totally told clyde to hire me, which means I didnt over commit myself, but SHE was the one signing me up for more! yes, she had good intentions of helping me out because she knew i wasnt like working at weis. but how about you come to ME, ask ME how I am, ask ME what you can do

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH "is this real life!????"


so wow, thats why I'm so stressed out. stay tuned for more psychobabble!