30 days of Jillian Michaels- Day 6

I literally had tears of sweat dripping into my eyeballs! Wow, level 2 30 Day Shred is tough.

Today was kinda cool, like the Secret and my 30 days with Jillian all whirled together.

So, as per the past 5 days, I didn't work out in the morning. Then this afternoon after work, grocery shopping, and preparing dinner, I really did not feel like working out. However, Clyde was running 30 min later than I thought he would be, so I took that 30 min to workout before dinner. Then, since I worked out, I was running behind on the dinner, and then I realized that I was supposed to water plants for my neighbors, and had time.

Kind funny how things work out. Also, just random...I saw the coolest bird today, it was really small and black and bright yellow. I've never seen such a brightly colored bird around here.

SOoooo exited for the Lake weekend! Although I am not smaller by the numbers on the scale (maybe next week I'll get more serious about not eating junk) and I'm not that smaller by the clothes yet, I FEEL better, which is amazing. I'm so happy I took on this challenge. The further I get, the more I want to go. And now that I'm 6 days in, I want to finish all 30.

Tomorrow, day 7, I plan on working out before the lake. I'm thinking I'll give myself a day off for day 8, but i'll still try and be active. Then pick back up for day 9. Since I am taking day 8 off, it is crucial that I workout on days 7 and 9. Although I've made so much progress, I know me, and if I dont do days 7 and 9, I wont do days 10, 11, 13, etc....

Ideas for future goals after this one:

• Triathalon at Centennial Park (its mini, and kayak no swimming, I dont think I could swim more than 10 seconds!)
• 10 K
• Perhaps a half marathon, marathon in my life time??
• Reach my weight goal
  
• Be an even healthier eater (including giving up foods that are shitty for you once and for all)

I have to say though, I did Weight watchers back in October of 08, starting at 142lbs. Since weight watchers, I am a more concious eater, and that has gotten me very far, maybe not pound-wise, but emotionally and awareness of what I'm eating, why I'm eating, thats a big step.

I'm feeling kinda sore after today's workout, means I pushed myself :)

30 days of Jillian Michaels- Day 5

I'm so proud of myself. I'm 5/30th, or 1/6th of the way through! (Like those math skills? yeah, i've been studying my DAT math)

I did the BFBM dvd which is KILLER!!! I am looking forward to towards then end of these 30 days, I'll be able to do the whole dvd and do each move at "expert" level.

Didn't workout this morning, but eh, thats ok, I still worked out.

30 days of Jillian Michaels- Day 4

Today I did a Jillian Michaels workout via netflix instant view, Shape up: Back. It was so awesome to get a new workout, but not having to buy a new DVD.

I didnt work out this morning, so I knew I was going to have to do it in the evening. So right after leaving work I had it in my head, "Laura, as soon as you go home, workout and get it over with"

AHhhhh so nice to have it done. Tomorrow I'm going to try and get my work out done in the morning.

Funny thing, I used to tell myself that I only like to work out in the morning, or "if i dont do it in the morning, I won't have energy in the evening" Well I was totally wrong, so far all 4 of my workouts have been in the evening. Just goes to show you how much you can trick yourself into thinking that you are a certain way. As Jillian says..." you have no idea of what you are capable of until you try"

30 days of Jillian Michaels- Day 3

Well, I almost didnt work out today, but I DID IT! I did level 1 of the 30 day shred. Today was kind of a lazy day for me, so in the end I told myself, just workout and get it over with. I knew if I didnt just force myself to just do it, I wouldnt work out today, then it would be just like before, I wouldnt work out tomorrow, then the next day, etc.

I'm already feeling a little stronger!

I went shopping today and although I'm not any smaller yet, I feel better about my body. I feel just a little tighter and toned, and I feel good that I've been working out.

Only day 3 and already feeling good! just 27 more days to go!

My motivation for the rest of the week...I'm going to be away this weekend with friends, and put on a bathing suit!

30 days of Jillian Michaels- Day 2

Day 2

Today I did the No More Trouble Zones DVD. This was the first time I've done this DVD, it was nice to do a brand new workout. This is formatted like the one I did yesterday, 7 circuits. This was a little more strength training than Cardio. A lot more lunges & squats...ouch my knees!!!

Once again, I felt like just quitting about 20 minutes in, but I pushed through and finished it. I think thats probably the point where I always want to quit, at 20 minutes. Hmm...

I already feel a sense of accomplishment having worked out today. In the other realm of my life right now, studying for the DAT, where I'm not feeling accomplished, so at least in one aspect, I'm doing okay!

So after blogging yesterday and setting up this goal for myself, I took some cheezy pics of myself in the mirror (arg, read my blog about my pet peeve about mirror pics...). However, I am saving these pictures as motivation. Kind of like when you are looking through a magazine and think "I want to look like that", but in this case, its " I don't want to look like that". I think having those pictures of me as a starting point will also be nice to look back on. Yuck though, I look at it and thing "omg, do I really look like that" :-/

So more motivation besides just looking good naked/in a bikini:

• I want to fit into my ski clothes next time I go skiing. Those bibs are getting tight! haha
• Picking out clothes & going out will be so much more fun, then I wont get the spirialing feeling of shittyness when I'm going out. The whole "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"
  
• I want to feel attractive and tight and lean. I love that feeling right after you've worked out, or when you feel sore the next day...ahh love it.
  
• I always live for tomorrow, and say "oh i'll do that once I lost weight". Well Tomorrow is TODAY!

Many more reasons including just being healthy, but just those are top of my mind today.

30 days of Jillian Michaels- Day 1

This is a HUGE ambition that I am setting out to do. I'm going to workout with Jillian Michaels (via her DVDs, obvi) for 30 days. I have done her DVDs before and I know they are hard, and a great workout. When I first bought the 30 day shred, I did it 5 x in one week, and lost 3 pounds, but then I faded off. I just think, if I had only kept going, I'd probably have reached my "happy weight" by now. (My happy weight/goal weight is 115-120, about 20 pounds less than I am now).


So what I'm going to do:

• Do a workout with Jillian EVERYDAY, for 30 days
  
• Blog about it
• NOT GIVE UP!
  

Day 1: Saturday July 11,2009
Weight: 136
Workout: Banish Fat Boost Metabolism DVD
Comments:
Wow. I'm feeling good after finishing that DVD. I did the WHOLE THING! (I've done it previously; first I only did 3 circuits, then 4, then 5, but today i worked up to doing the whole thing, I'm proud of myself). I realize that like she says, you have to push yourself to get your body to change. I know that if I want the results she is promising, I'm going to have to keep up my HR during these DVDs. What I love, and whats going to help me, is that throughout the workouts she says things like "Don't phone it in" and "You should be begging for death by now" or "Don't quit on me now". AHhh, I love her saying that, its exactly the PUSH I need.

So, I know this is going to be hard for me. First of all, I cant remember the last time I worked out more than 3 days consecutively, let along blogged for more than 3 days consecutively.

Another reason why it will be hard is because I know myself, and I set out big goals for myself, but then never follow through.

Why this time is going to be different? I'm keeping it simple! I'm going to try and keep it as simple as 1)work out 2)blog after it afterwards (and if not a whole entry, atleast just write down that I excercised). I'm not going to try and combine it with planning out my meals, or also try and workout exactly the same time each day, or make it too complicated. Making it too complicated has let me to failure in the past.

I'm going to keep my eye on the prize. Just 30 days (now only 29 since I've already worked out today!) This is just my first goal. I'm not worrried about how much weight I lose, or increasing my flexibility, toning up. The bottom line: I'm forcing myself to work out for 30 days. Why? Because I need to get myself to realize that I can do it. I think the big first step for me is just getting into the habit of working out.

How do you eat an elephant? By taking one bite at a time. Yes, I have bigger and more holistic goals for myself, but this is just the first step!

Grocery stores, a little history of shopping.

My little stint working at the deli taught me a lot about grocery stores, which got me to thinking, we spend a lot of time at grocery stores. Although I didnt enjoy working at the deli, read the posts to come, I think it was a good experience. I think the same thing for people who work at restaurants. You view your restaurant eating experience a lot different after you have worked at one.

I never really enjoyed grocery shopping until college. Before college, I dreaded it because I would have to walk up and down the aisles really bored, not allowed to buy the kind of cereal I wanted to get. Don't mention the times that I'd be sent to get something at the opposite end of the store, and then walk up and down the aisles looking for my Mom, ugh I hate feeling lost in stores!

I did like grocery shopping in college though. It was so nice my Junior/Senior year to go grocery shopping. I loved having the ability to plan out a delicious healthy meal, go buy the ingredients. I also loved buying whatever I wanted, going whatever pace I wanted, etc. And also, The Harris Teeter at Elon was brand new, and wonderful! Ah, I miss it! I remember being in the store and calling my Mom to ask her a question such as "Where do they keep the raisins" (seriously though, do you know?) or "How much fish should I buy to feed X number of people" I think some of those initial questions that I had were "rookie mistakes" and helped me be more independent. A little part of me also called and asked her those questions because either I was a little lonely, or wanted to make her feel like she was part of my life. Sometimes I regretted calling her because 1) she didn't give me a simple answer to my simple question 2) she would keep chatting and NOT HANG UP and 3) she wouldn't know the answer and kind of round about give me a long answer with lots of details what had nothing to do with the question I was actually asking....ugh.

Now that I'm back living at home, I'm back to hating grocery shopping again. (Sorry now for the "mom bitching" but I feel like this is therapeutic to get it off my chest)

I just don't understand why we don't have any food in our house. Our pantry and refridgerator are both full, but when I go to make something to eat, there is nothing! Its a phenomenon.

Some things that bug me know that I'm back at home/My OCD list for grocery shopping. (Makes me think, Hmm maybe this is another reason why I'm single, I hope my future significant other "gets" this.

Before you go grocery shopping:

• Check your inventory at home to see what you have, what you need
• Throw out old food
• Clean up the fridge if it needs to be done
• Clean up the kitchen if it needs to be done
  
• make a LIST (especially if you have planned out your meals/recipes for the week, you can check the ingredients lists and make sure you have what you need to get, and make sure you have enough "staple items" for the recipe: olive oil, spices, etc)
  

While grocery shopping:

• Stick to the list (it will save yourself time and money! I will allow myself 1 "splurge" item every once in a while, and I try to be reasonable about it, usually its something that is on sale, or a new product I want to try, or Real Simple Magazine)
• Go in one direction (usually helps when you categorize your list according to the grocery store, and helps prevent lost children like me when I was younger!)

Once you get home:

• bring everything in first
• take everything out of the bags
• put away items NEATLY and where they should go
• Do prep work for the recipes you plan to make in the week (this is called "lumping" or something similar. I read it somewhere that if you lump together your chores that it helps you get them done faster, and you dont feel as stressed/bored with the mundane chores. I like to prep right after I bring things home from the grocery store. Also, it help me actually eat what I ate. Example: if i bring home grapes, before I even put them in the fridge, I wash them and pull them off the vine, then put them in baggies or Tupperware and store them in the fridge. This way, I have a healthy snack/dessert ready to eat!

Other thoughts

• buy things when on sale, use coupons
• Go shopping/do prep work on sunday or monday (I'm not sure if this is when the rest of the world shops, but I like it because its a refreshing start to the new week)

The Secret

The Secret. MUST READ IT NOW! Or, rent the DVD (I actually found to be even better, or maybe the combination of reading the book or watching the DVD).

Anyways.....The Secret. This is my interpretation of it, but you'll have to read it to get your own. Its a book about "the secret of life" which is basically how to get what you want out of life. So how you get what you want out of life is by thinking it, believing it, expecting it. Once you do that, it will appear. Also, you must be a positive thinker. If you fixate on negative things, then you will get those negative things.

I'm simply summing it up to positive thinking, however it is a little more than that

I really can benefit from positive thinking.

Books I've Read

So this is just going to be a running list of books that I've read. I hope to put them in some kind of order, and possibly a little blurb about what I thought of the book.

When I was at University of Virginia in 2006 for a summer program (SMDEP) a speaker said that you should read more. Well yeah, everybody has heard that. Then, he proceeded to say, yeah its hard to squeeze in time to read, so set a goal for yourself to just read one book a month. Easy enough. But just think, one book a month, twelve books in one year. Think of all those ideas in those twelve books. Those ideas shape you and your beliefs and your knowledge. Obviously this speaker said it in a more eloquent way, but it really stuck with me, the thought that books have such a profound effect on you and your life/ frame of mind.

Another thing I read, I'm having source memory problems, but I want to say it was from freakonomics. However, it was that you should read/expose yourself to opposing views of what you believe. So for instance say you are really liberal. You shouldn't seek out liberal authors, or read only liberal magazines, instead you should seek to read the opposite. Very important so you can balance your exposure to different viewpoints, and critically think about what you are reading/what you believe.

So here goes the list:


June 2009:
The Alchemist. Paulo Coello.
This was a short read. Definitely good for a beach book. It reminded me of the book The Little Prince because it was such a neat simple story, yet it had some profound points to it.
I really learned from this book that you should "reach for the stars." It was an inspiring read.

The Tipping Point. Malcolm Gladwell.
I love Gladwell as an Author. I read Blink before this, and might have liked Blink a little better. I love the way that Gladwell writes. A criticism though is that it reminded me a lot of Blink, but I guess that could be a good thing. I like reading books with a psych background because that was my major, and it helps me keep up on all that I learned in school, and make me feel like I actually can use my degree, ha!

Freakonomics.
This was written a lot like Gladwell's books. I think that the book was good, but didnt exceed my expectations.


Previous to June 2009:

Eat, Pray, Love.
Secret Life of Bees
He's just not that into you.
Harry Potter Series.
Traveling Pants Series

Books from High School: (At least the ones I actually read & liked)
The Great Gatsby
Their Eyes were watching God
The Heart of Darkness
The Little Prince
Lord of the Flies
Shakespeare

• Romeo and Juliet
• A Midsummer Nights Dream
• Othello
• Macbeth
  

Scarlet Letter
Huckleberry Finn
To Kill a Mockingbird

Dental Jokes

What time was the Asian's Dentist appointment?
Tooth-Hurty!

Why do they call it a toothbrush and not a teeth brush?
Because it was invented in West Virginia!

What does the dentist of the year get?
A little plaque!

What does a dentist do on a roller coaster?
He braces himself!

What did the dentist see at the North Pole?
A molar bear!

Dental Cartoons

Procrastinating

Ugh, here I am again procrastinating!

I don't know what it is that is so alluring about procrastinating. Seriously, if I would just buckle down and get done what I needed to, then I could enjoy/relax later. But instead, I waste all this time doing nothing/not what I need to be doing, and I have this dark cloud looming over my head making me feel bad.

Its the same thing about when I dont wake up in the morning when my alarm goes off. It just feels so good to hit the snooze button.

Procrastinating

Ok so I’m freaking out all over again. AHHHHHHHHHHH. When am I going to stop freaking out and actually do what I should be doing in the first place to stop freaking out!?

I need to get a good score on the DAT to get into dental school. I should’ve not been procrastinating this much because then I would’ve already taken the DAT, I would know my score, and if it wasn’t a good one then I could’ve retaken it already. Then applying to dental school wouldn’t be a waste! Argghh

So I need to quit the procrastination, get my shit together, and stop whining about it already.

I do think that part of my procrastination is that I am setting myself up for failure. What in my college social pysch classes we called something but I already forget. don’t you hate that, you used to know something but now you forget? Well if I had just taken the DAT when I knew all this then I wouldn’t have to re-learn it all. Ugh.

Well I guess I’ll go clean my room, and then maybe get around to studying.

Half Marathon, Just do it!

So I've decided that I want to try and run a half marathon. It is going to be October 10th in Baltimore. I really think it will be hard to do, but so empowering at the end.

I think "running a marathon" is one of those things that everybody has on their list of things to do in life, but usually never get around to doing it. It will be so awesome to actually do it, instead of just talking about it.

I just think, Nobody is holding me back from doing this except myself. I think that running this will help me

• get back into shape
• give me motivation
• prove to myself that I have self confidence
• prove that i have self discipline

I'll feel like "if i can run a half marathon, then i can do anything!"

Mind over Mood

My OCD, making schedules for myself, is it really helping me, or just helping me cope?

Mom bitching, the haircut

Looking back one year post Elon

So its been a year since I graduated college, and I'm dedicating this blog to looking back on how much I've done and accomplished because I seem to forget how hard I am working and how much I really am getting done, despite the fact that I keep beating myself up for not being where I want to be.

So in a nutshell, I graduated Elon University May 2008 with a BA in Psychology (I wish it was a BS but they didn't have BS for psych) and a minor in Biology (my first major, but hated the people in the major, and didn't really feel the need to major in it because I was taking all the pre-dental pre-reqs anyways. ) I really wished I had double majored, I was only 2 classes away, but how I saw it, Dental schools will see all the courses I took anyways, and you only get one degree/diploma anyways. The secondary major doesn't get written on the paper you frame, go figure. In retrospect, I wished I had taken more psychology classes, I loved the professors, and I loved what I learned. I still like to read up on psychology. I also think that I learned more from Dr. Leupold in the 3 classes I took with him about research than I did in all my bio/science classes. He really taught me how to critically think, read, and evaluate research papers, and for that matter any other "fact" that you have been told, or any other claim you hear. Its a good skill to have.

So my GPA, ugh. If I could go back and re-do college, I would have studied harder. I seriously thought that I was studying hard, but I was barely studying at all. I got the hang of it junior/senior year. However, I just think of if I had taken my classes more seriously when I was in my fresh/soph year, my GPA would've been amazing.

My cumulative GPA was a 3.173....I round that to a 3.2 (and after re-taking organic chem and getting an A the summer of 2008, it makes me feel a little bit better!)

So #1, my accomplishment, I GOT AN A IN ORGANIC CHEM! that was amazing. I studied my ass off (since I finally learned how). Seriously, it was an accomplishment and I need to remember that.

How did I do it? well I guess it was just studying. Also, my professor, Dr. Discordia was amazing. So to break it down, how to study:

1. read the syllabus, it is your life
2. put dates/hw/reading/exams in your calendar
3. read the material BEFORE class
4. go to class and

• have a coffee so you dont fall asleep

• sit in the front row (I see better that way, and also you dont fall asleep, and are not distracted by other students)

• PAY ATTENTION, this includes taking notes (seriously, you think you'll remember what the prof is saying, but you forget, so write it down)

1. When you get home, go over your notes, re-read them, then take notes on them in a neat format if they are messy, highlight the important parts, make flash cards of the important parts
2. Do your homework. if its assigned, or the reading for the next class
3. Study BEFORE the weekend before the exam. Seriously. you have to study EVERYNIGHT if you want to learn, retain, and get an A.
4. Ask questions when you dont understand. Many times you'll think you understand, and you ask a question, and you were right! But then there are times, when you'll ask the question and realize, wow, I had that all wrong.
5. Lastly, get good sleep, excercise, eat healthy. You have to do this, its key!
6. One day at a time, don't get overwhelmed. This will only lead to procrastination and self-defeating thought.

So I hope i can keep this up, I think its a great thing I finally mastered it, thank god b/c I'll need it in dental school. I still need to work on procrastination though. If I can master that, I'll be golden

Anyone who has any study tips, please feel free to comment!

So accomplishment #2: Taking classes and getting certified in radiographs, and soon, becoming a QDA (qualified dental assistant). Although classes at the MSDA were a little bit painful, I really did learn a lot about dentistry, and gained an edge in the workplace. Although i feel kinda stupid working as a dental assistant having a Bachelors degree (because educationally I'm overqualified) I am getting great experience in the dental field. So why were classes at the MSDA painful? Here go the bullet points...

• Dr. Holderman spend about 75% of the time lecturing about how everyone in the class was not going to study, and only 25% of the time lecturing about course content. It was a little degrading going from a university where eductation was the main goal, and self teaching was an expectation, to a class full of students, whose only requirement was a GED or high school diploma, and the expecatation was just not to fail. I did learn a couple life lessons being in that humbling situation.
• Sometimes people in that class were so stupid it hurt! Seriously, they would ask legitimately dumb questions. Sometimes I think the students raised their hands and spoke, just to hear themself speak. There is truth to that "there is no such thing as a dumb question" but wow, these girls pushed it.
• The classes were 3 hours long each night (and so with that 3:1 ratio, meant we actually only used 45 minutes of class time for actual learning). Dr. H would casually stroll in 10 minutes late (which was fine, I liked that I had that time to get settled, plus he was coming in from Bethesda). Then we could sit around and chat, then he'd bitch about us not studying....on and on, enough already. Ugh I got to the point where i felt like I was wasting my time. It sucked because when Dr. H was actually lecturing, it was really good information.
  
• I did notice a divided between americans and immigrants in that class. I had a couple of class mates from russia, and one, a dentist from a cental american nation (cant remember, maybe brazil?). They did not ask dumb questions, and in fact were smarter than most, and even were taking this class in their second, or maybe third language, props to them!

Another humbling situation, working at weis. I guess my accomplishment #3, realizing when to say NO, and that my time is valuable. Lets just say I'm going to need another blog to explain all the bullshit about my job at Weis. In short, it was very humbling for a recent college grad to work at a deli in a cheap supermarket with other what I'll call "lower white class" individuals during an economic slump. Read more on my Weis blog soon to come.

#4. I ran up a credit card debt, realzing how much credit card debt sucks, and starting to pay it off. Its very easy to get into debt, another humbling thing, realizing your smart, but not smart enough to stay out of credit card debt. Luckily, I only reached about $3,000 at my peak, and have half of it already paid off. I however took steps to lower my spending, including getting rid of the fancy blackberry, and got the job at weis to make extra money. I think it would have been more responsible in the first place to never work up that little bit of debt, but if I look at it as a life lesson, now I realize how every little purchase counts. I since made a little budget for myself, and once I get 100% debt free, I will NEVER be in debt again. I'm making that a promise to myself. The only other time I'll have a debt will be to the military, to pay back my service for the dental eductation. So how am I going to do this?

• Keep to my buget, and know my means
• Keep extra money in my savings for when I go over a little (because its going to happen) or for any emergencies
• Don't waste my money. Big wasters: buying things not on sale, paying bank fees, throwing money on a big purchase I dont need, going out to eat when I can cook for myself.

I've learned that waiting for things pays off. For example, I really want a new computer, or new furnature, etc. If i go out and get that now, sure I could, put it in on my credit card. I think however if i just wait, it will be so much sweeter. Why? because I waited for it, and knew i really wanted it. Because I saved up, and new I was spending "on purpose", and because its that time in my life when i'm supposed to have it (ex: wedding gifts, etc).

This hopefully can be applied towards other areas in life, BOYS. I'm hoping that "good things comes to those who wait" is true, because I've been looking but havent found anybody.

which brings me to accomplishment #5: I started dating. See my other blog posts about this, In short, I came to realize that I respect myself, and that I'm done with the college "hookup" (although they were fun! :) ) and that I'm ready to get over the petty bullshit that I thought was "love" in highschool. I'm ready for a serious relationship, and I'm worth it. A couple influences on this mindset are

• my friends breakups, getting back together, breakups, etc
• the book and movie, hes just not that into you
• Bethenny from the real desp. housewives of NYC (i think the show is fabulous, totally unrealistic and catty, but terribly entertaining!)
• realizing my mom's relationship with my dad was bullshit from the start (my own conclusion)
• seeing carolyn get happily married, and soon to have a baby!

#6:a woman of the working world . I'll have to blog later about this more, but I have learned a lot about the workplace. I'm so happy that I had this expereince working in the dental office. I have come to learn that working with people everyday is challenging. some days are great, some days suck. personalities are always hard to deal with, but if you just don't take yourself so seriously, try and have a good, positive attitude, work harder than you think you can, and always be thinking for the "team" you can do well.

#7 realtionships
I really think I've succded on my relationship with my sister, we've gotten closer, and I've become able to use her as a support network.
My mom on the other hand, I'll just say it needs work.
I have kept up great realtionship with my friends, atleast those who are close by. I must say that I don't know what I'd do with out my girls. They are my rock, they keep me in check, they are there for me when I need to bitch, and give me entertainment. I love you girls!

So I think thats about it so far, I'll be sure to think of something else later, and I'll add to the list!

Online Dating: Date #4 Mysterious Mike, Does he actually exist?

Online Dating: Date #3 Mark

Online Dating: Date #2 Brendan

My Next Tat

My next tattoo should probably be a virgo symbol, because I am totally a virgo. Just something that I read and totally describes me:

SEPTEMBER Birthdays: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed.Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding.Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

Pencil Me In

Google calendar, well all google apps are amazing. Google calendar in particular however can be credited with saving my life. The day that I realized I can make a color coded event, repeating every week at the same time every week changed my life. I can acutally remember the moment. I had two psychology courses back to back on Tues/Thurs my Junior year. (That semester I was very "balanced" I had two bio courses on M/W/F, and two psych courses every Tu/Th, funny how you can still remember your class schedule, anyways...). So on those days I would go from one psych class to another, but since they were both in the same building, Long, I had a little bit of a time gap. I didnt have quite enough time to get anything done, so I would get to my other class early, and stop in the computer lab and check my email.

It was kind of my routine, and boy have I learned that routines work for me. (It is a double edged sword though, because routines sometimes =ruts).

Regardless, in that time that I would surf the web, check facebook posts (Boy has facebook changed, I really don't like it anymore, another blog another time...) I also discovered using google calendar in that time. It was so much better than a paper calendar because you could click and drag blocks of time, share calendars with others, I could see it on any computer that I had internet access to! How amazing!

I really do think that we take technology for granted. Although another double edged sword, technology rules our world, and almost is a bad thing, however it is so convient, and makes like so wonderful sometimes.

So now that I'm about 2,000 characters into telling about how I got into google calendar, I'm getting to the point of this blog, my compulsiveness to "over commit" myself.

My recent overcommitment: i have 3 part time jobs, taking 2 classes, which is 2 too many part times, meaning I'm 2 full timing it.

I'm sick of doing too many things at once and only being able to do 40% of a job well done, when I want to give it 150% commitment.

Lets back track on how I get myself into this mess? Well for starters I can't say no. Then there is the fact that I want to do so many things at once (another version of not being able to say no, just not being able to say no to myself).

I have however gotten a little bit better at saying no to people, but I still need a lot of work on it. I'm realizing when I should say no, but not always saying no. Now the next step is realizing I need to say no, and then actually saying no.

Small baby steps. It's really good as long as I don't slide back down the hill.

And just another point, to bitch about "how i got in this mess"....well here is why I feel like I have no control over my life.

Graduated college, didn't get into dental school (main reason: because I didnt prepare for the DAT in a proper way, took the test when I wasn't prepared and got a lousy score, other reasons too but that was a big one).

So I didn't go to dental school after I graduated, which was sad but no biggie because I was going to apply again and get in the next time around. Next best thing, work at a dental office. I loved working at the dental office the previous summer, and was looking forward to coming back. I really loved learning about the field, all about the procedures, excited to get to learn how to assist, be in the "real world" etc. So things were going great, as I thought, and then slowly but surely things took a turn for the worst. It began way before, but really triggered at a staff meeting when we had a talk about what "overhead" is, and how much we need to "collect" to make our overhead. It was seriously a great topic for the staff meeting because honestly I think many people that work in medical fields forget that it is a business, and that "doctors" have tons of money to just blow around. The people in our office (myself included) did need to know how we were doing.

However, I really think that the take home message of this meeting got warped into "spend less" to make our collections more. And then some individuals morphed that into "be as cheap as possible" (wow that was kinda mean but hey this is my blog!).

Things at work got a little harder when we started in with "layoffs". Luckily, nobody at my office has been fired. However there were cuts in hours. (As an aside, I just want to point out some perspective here, lots of other people that I graduated with are in the same boat, as well as the rest of the country has been effected by this sucky economy, just so I dont seem like "woe is me" here).

So my hours got cut, what to do? Well get another job of course. (Oh by the was it didnt help that by this time I had managed to run up a little credit card debt of about $2,000 because I was mourning the loss of college and still spending like my parents were paying for everything, crazy how all those little purchases sneak up on you!).

I cut out my blackberry. That was a big move for me. I was paying about $120/month for my blackberry which was kind of insane considering I was only taking home about 200/week. So I got my cell phone bill down to about half, $58/month. (Oh and yes, this was the perfect time for my parents to decide that I should start paying for my own car insurance, smack another $600/twice a year on top of that).

Another aside, I am very gratefull that my parents have paid for so much, so I am compeltely taking responsibility for this that I was not financially smart. Believe me, I will totally handle my kids differently. That being said, I am learning a little bit the hard way because I was a little spoiled, and I totally know it. No excuses here on out though, I'm getting myself out of the small debt I got into, and thank god it wasnt too much because the little taste of "drowning" i felt from it was enough for me to never EVER need to do that again.

So re-cap, I got hours cut, and drowning in debt. Need another job. So after careful consideration, I decided to apply at the local grocery store, Weis. Please stay tuned for the full story on my brief employement at Weis Markets, it will be very entertaining!

So now, I'm working 20 hours at the dental office, and the deli at Weis is giving me about 20 hours a week, PERFECT! two part time jobs equals on full time job. Oh, did I forget, I'm also babysitting everyother weekend (but the money is so good, 10/hour tax free, and its just babysitting, getting paid to play? cant beat that!)

So now 20 hours plus the 4 hours of babysitting, oh yeah and class, well 3 times a week for 3 hours a class, that only adds up to 53 hours a week. Oh I'm supposed to get studying in? And right, I should probably excercise, and sleep right? Hmmm, and by the time I get all the shit done that my mom asks me, that should leave me with about negative 60 hours in the week!

Do you sense the sarcasm here?

But bringing myself back to reality. I don't have it that bad, my rent is being paid for by my parents (i just have to put up with living with my mother) and hey, atleast I have a job in this economy.

Its sad though in all honesty, becuase I feel so overworked and overstressed, and I'm only 22, and I havent even gotten to the most stressful times of mylife. Good thing I'm blogging now to relive all this stress, and hopefully I'm learning as I'm going.

Another aside...I have no MENTOR! I really wish I did. Another reason why I'm blogging. Because maybe one day I'll have a son or daughter who can look back and read this and say "wow, mom was going through the same shit i went through, maybe I can learn something here that could help me out"

BEcause honestly, I really wish that right now my mom wasnt so wound up in her (liteerally) blind little world that she could see that I'm struggling here and just dying for some help here.

Instead, this is what happens....I am given ANOTHER JOB! It really is histerical. It goes down something like this.

Clyde: So Laura, what are you doing tomorrow
Laura: Well I'm not working at the deli or at weis if thats what youre asking
Clyde: Well come into the office tomorrow
Laura: ok

obviously that wasnt word for word, but basically that was the conversation. Now, before I know it, I'm signing myself up to work at Clyde's business 2 1/2 days a week. HOLY SHIT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY LIFE!!!

Its just a littel frustrating that nobody bothered to ask me.

Reminds me of the "fake fight" that nicholas cage gets into in the 2nd national treasure movie, and his girlfriend says "just because you know my answer doesnt mean you dont have to ask me"

Well it felt kinda like that. Yes, of course I'd love to quit weis and work at BFI, but I'd like to atleast be asked, so then i could actually quit there, so now I'm not finishing out my last two weeks there AT THE SAME FREAKING TIME IM WORKING AT BFI. Ugh, this week for me is

M: work at BFI (Supposed to be at weis, but i'm going to call out)
T: work at dental office, class at night
W: work at dental office (supposed to be working at BFI, but working at dental office b/c im "on call)
Th: work at dental office, class at night
F: work at dental office, work at BFI, class at night
Sa: work at weis, baby sit

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

And you know what KILLS me?

My mom is complaining that she is going to have a tough week because she has ONE thing to do each day this week.

I know you shouldnt compare, or be competetive and shit, but she is one-uping me like whats her face on SNL. Seriously though mom, I really dont think that you having an excercise class in the morning, and then ladies cocktail night in the evening even comes close to me working two jobs in one day then going to class, or oh wait, being scheuled to work two jobs on the same day! Seriously mom, I'm working 4 jobs this week.

You know what kills me even more??

The fact that she says to my sister "There Laura goes again, getting herself over committed"

ahhh that made me want to scream. because although I confronted my mom about it, she totally told clyde to hire me, which means I didnt over commit myself, but SHE was the one signing me up for more! yes, she had good intentions of helping me out because she knew i wasnt like working at weis. but how about you come to ME, ask ME how I am, ask ME what you can do

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH "is this real life!????"


so wow, thats why I'm so stressed out. stay tuned for more psychobabble!

Online Dating, The Asshole

His 1st email to me:
Buongiorno! Come lei è la signora molto bello? mi chiamo il Renzo. il piacere è tutto il mio! (Hello, how are you? My name is Renzo, pleasures all mine!) You have such resplendent penetrating pensive eyes and this narcotically hypnotic aura of esoteric magnetism that you exude so seductively.... Naturally, I'm curious to delve your intriguing thoughts...What's the most important thing that men don't understand about women?
Ciao
Renzo


My response:
That they think they can send a bull shit email like you just sent me, and think that I'm impressed.
No thanks.

His email back:
Listen the only thing "about average" apropos of you is your lack of any dignity or respect. But hey, that's what trailer trash rednecks are for!

Well, all the same but If you ever get the chance to leave your pig farm, come to the city to 17th and Q street NW. There's a place called Hanks Oyster bar, and a circa 1880 white mansion right next to it with a $200K Silver hardtop convertible AMG parked out front. That's my car and my house...So its inherent that you're a jealous neurotic ennui obsessive compulsive, dismally low self esteemed hornswoggling obese dike. So be a good inbred and play with your pet pigs and chickens....and I'll keep playing with my sexy little model sluts every night of the cucci motherf*ckun poppin week!
Ciao
Renzo
P.S. You didn't date anyone in college because nobody in their right motherf*ckun mind would dare to give a slob like yourself so much as a "hello"!

Online Dating, About You

Things that I want to scream when I read in your introduction:

1. "I'm new to online dating"

• I read this on just about everybody's profile, so obviously everybody else is new too.

2. "I don't know what to say here"

• Well then you are an idiot and I wouldn't waste my time with you
• Seriously? You don't know what to say? This reminds me of in highschool and you are being taught how to write a paper. Don't write "I am writing about Topic A...", skip all those words and just write about Topic A.
• Other versions: "I dont like talking about myself", "Hmmm 2,000 characters, lets see", etc

3. " I'm 22 years olds, 6'3"..."

• Well no shit, it already says that in your profile, you don't have to re-write it here. Youre wasting your 2, 000 characters!! (haha just gotta laugh at that)

4. Ambiguous Man

• Make it at least a paragraph, If there is nothing written there, I'm going to skip it.
  
• Tell me something beyond the basics
  

Online Dating, Proflie Picture Pet Peeves

In my ongoing blogs about online dating, I find it extremely necessary to talk about my pet peeves of profiles.

There are actually so many, that I have dedicated this one to profile pictures alone!

Just a caveat, I might be sounding harsh here, but hey, someone's gotta say it.

1. Post a picture

• If I don't know what you look like, I'm not going to be interested in getting to know you.
  
• It's not a matter of being shallow, or that looks matter more than personality, but lets get real, if you don't post a picture, I think its weird, does that mean that you are hiding something?
• Pictures are worth a thousand words. I love it when pictures almost tell a story in themselves (picture with your family, your friends, places you like to travel, you doing your hobbies, etc.)
• Just a no-brainer, make sure it is a clear and visible.
  

2. Don't post a picture of you taking a picture of yourself

• Well good, you atleast put a picture of youself, so props for that.
• NO pictures of you in front of the mirror holding out your camera. This looks stupid, it also says to me "I have no life so I go nowhere and have no pictures of myself." I have asked someone why they did this, the response: " I don't want to ask a friend to take my picture for me because I'm embarrassed to be dating online." Well I can sympathize with that, but you are dating online, so get over it.

3. Put a goddamn shirt on!

• NO pictures of you without your shirt on (unless you are on a beach, but I'm talking about the combo no shirt + holding camera up in front of the mirror). I get that guys want to show off their chest, but its a little embarrassing for me to look at these. I just get the feeling that you are really into yourself, or that you masturbated right after, yuck.

3. Limit the drinking pictures

• I go out drinking too, so no judgement
• I realize for guys, the only pictures they may have is of them out at bars
• Try to balance out the drinking + not drinking pictures, it will make you look like less of an alcoholic
• Sometimes I've even seen drinking pictures of guys doing the "lick pussy" face, what the hell? You are trying to sell yourself here as a nice guy, that's just crass.
  

4. Who is the girl in the picture?

• Ok once again, I realize you might only have these types of pictures, but atelast but a label as to who is standing next to you so I don't think they are all ex-girlfriends
• (alongside that, if there is a kid in the picture, label that too so I know if its just a kid or its your kid)
  
• Also, don't obviously crop out a girl, thats tacky

5. Don't try to be artsy when you are not. It just looks dumb.

• Let's have a picture of YOU in your profile picture, I mean thats great that you went to a mountain and took a picture of it, but maybe put that in your online photo album and show it to me later.
  
• Funny angled pictures that are not so artsy= not so flattering
  

Bonus: Posting more than one. Once again, just helps me get to know you.

Online Dating, Introduction.

I've been told (and have even thought myself) that I should blog the trials and tribulations of my dating online. So here it goes...

I guess like most others, I became familiar with the online dating concept a couple years back when e harmony and match.com commercials were seen frequently on TV. Of course, looking back, I remember being little and reading those personal ads in the newspaper, asking my Mom, "what does SWM seeking SWF" mean? So in all respects, the concept of online dating is not new by any means, it is kind of like a more modern personal ad you would take out in the newspaper.

Another interesting moment was in one of my psychology classes (I think it was lifespan development) I was reading my text and there was a section about dating online. I thought it so weird that it was in a text book. I guess my point in saying all this is to ponder the acceptance of "online dating". I think dating in my generation is completely different. With all the facebook, myspace, twitter, IM, text, etc, it is a completely different game then just a few years ago. So hopefully this blog can help me sort out my dating troubles, and help others.

How I got started. (A long winded introduction....)

After college, I started seeing a therapist/counselor, Beth. I really thought she was great. She helped me out a lot to manage my anxiety, get through the transition of moving home after college (although I'm really not "through" that yet!), and help me with the stress around Carolyn's wedding, and dealing with my Dad's bullshit. (Expansion on this whole bit in another blog topic to come...) I'm no longer seeing her as a therapist, but she was the one who introduced me to the idea, and really got me to pursue online dating.

Something that I was really feeling unhappy about at that time was that I was single, and had been single pretty much since highschool. While in college I "re-dated" some boyfriends (big mistake!), and had a couple one-night stands, and a couple "repeated" one night stands as I will refer to it.

So I was kind of on a mission to change my dating style. Of course I realized first, you cannot sleep with a guy the first night and expect for it to turn into a serious relationship. I was ready to quit the hook up phase, because come on, after college that pretty disrespectful to yourself (although I'll probably do it again, so lets not get hypocritical...)

Other things that were/ are influencing me: The book "he's just not that into you." A must read! It totally gives girls perspective on how a guy thinks in relationships. Its really also a great smack of reality because lets face it, sometimes a little bit of alcohol will make you cry about old boyfriends, and its just plain STUPID! I can't believe how much time I wasted thinking about past relationships, I almost feel if I had invested that energy elsewhere that I would be so much better off right now. Oh well.

So, one exercise that Beth had me to was write down a list of traits I wanted in my "perfect man" and gave me about 2 minutes. Then she said to narrow down the list to just 10 things.

She said, now that is your perfect man. Those are you're "standards" or what you are looking for.

My initial reaction was "wow, I'm looking for a gay man!"

So anyways, she told me to just go for it. And so I took the leap and just did it.

I first joined e harmony. I thought that it was going to be able to match me with someone compatible, just like the commercials say. I thought it would be better than match.com because it would be matching me among personality traits.

I thought it was really great at first, "wow" look at all these single guys! I can screen them right here in the comfort of my own home.

What I found with e harmony though, was that I was putting a lot of effort in writing back and forth to people, but then never hearing from them again. It felt like I was always on a job interview.

I also noticed that I wasn't getting anybody that I was actually all that really interested in. I would even initiate conversations with those who I was interested in, but never heard from them.

Story of my life: I am not interested in guys who are interested in me, and vice versa!

So after doing e harmony for awhile, I switched to match.com. Between the two, I would suggest Match.com. I like it better because you can "wink" which is just so much easier. That way you can quickly tell if a person is interested or not.

I also like the IM feature, and the email feature. It lets you pretty quickly get to know someone enough to see if you'd like actually want to meet this person.

So thats about it for the introduction, stay tuned for more.

Self-Induced ADD

I think that I have self-induced ADD. If it isn't already in the DSM, I'm adding it, we shall call it SIADD.

Seriously though, I really would find it hard to believe if I'm the only person who suffers from this.

Definition/ Symptoms:
Having good intentions of working really hard (at whatever studying/ reading/ project, etc needs to be done). Sitting down to get work done. Being pumped at doing a good job, getting started. Then 2 minutes later feeling completely exhausted.

I think this started (or atleast I noticed it) spring '08 semester at Elon. I really noticed it when I was working on my psychology senior seminar project. I had to write this gigantic paper and give a presentation on it. The due date kept creeping closer and closer. I had ample time to work on it, but for some reason I just couldn't get it done. It was ridiculous. So then I'd distract myself by cleaning my room, taking a shower, getting all my materials organized. Then finally sit down at my desk, and almost just stare and my work and get nothing accomplished.

I'm not attention deficit, or as it is typcially known as, because I can pay attention to cleaning my room for hours on end, I can work on sudoku puzzles for hours on end, I can even sit through class without getting distracted.

But for some reason, I can't get important shit down!

Now I'm having the same problem preparing for the DAT.

I realize the imesnse importance of preparing for the DAT. Maybe that is why I am having a hard time "buckling down" and studying for it. Maybe it is just my coping mechanism.

It doesn't make sense though. I stress about how much I have not yet studied for it, and yet when I get the time to, I don't. You would think that I would just study when I got the chance because that would lessen my stress.

I'm trying to learn that there is no sense in worrying. In this case, dont worry, but spend that worrying energy in studying. Then, you have studied, and you won't need to worry!

UGh, well I'm going to now go to the bathroom, floss, make my bed, then probably blog somemore instead of studying.

Quotes

It’s just like magic. When you live by yourself, all of your annoying habits are gone.

-Merrill Markoe

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

- My Mom

“In essence, if we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions. It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently.”
Anthony Robbins

Most people give up just when they're about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.

H. Ross Perot

Let it ride...

So another life discovery that I made today. Don't just let it ride.

I don't think there will be an easy answer or way out of this dilemma. However, I like to let things sit, or "sleep on it" when I have some kind of problem, or if I feel to emotional about something and I want to think it over rationally. For example. lately, I've been wanting to approach my bosses about some frustrations I've been having at work. I don't want to just go running up to them immaturely and scream "I hate this...I hate that, I cant stand it!!!....." because I just don't think that would be effective. However, while trying to really put together my thoughts, I think I'm just bottling in my emotions, and letting the problems ride.

I was speaking to my Mom today and I realized, surprise!, she does the same thing. Waiting too long, and "sticking it out" for way too long, to the point where it is almost self destructive.

She stuck it out and waited forever to leave my dad, and then she stuck it out in the end in her job that was horrible. Now that being said, she was very strong in these two hard times of her life. But she even said after those two times were over, it was so amazing how stress free and better she felt.

Just something to ponder.

The Real World

Gripe #1: Work

I guess I should celebrate that I am now officially in the working world, and that I still have another 40 or so years to go!

With that being said, I realize I have so much to learn, and I totally did not think I would be where I am today. A year ago, before graduating college, I would've thought I'd be much further, have had a lot more $ in the bank, and a lot more respect from others, and more knowledge of the workplace.

So I guess the lesson that I learned it that life moves a little slower than you thought it would, and I should probably embrace it. I mean I'm still feeling like time is flying, and that "holy crap how is it April 2009 already!?" However, I'm not getting as much done in the small amount of time I gave myself. Another lesson, don't cram too much for yourself into short amounts of time, it just won't all get done, and it will just stress you out.

Quote I recently heard and liked: "Having expectations are just pre-meditated disappointments" (credit to my friend's mother in AA)

Beginning to Blog

So here it goes. Another attempt at keeping up a journal. Seems to be that I'm always starting to do something, but never finishing it. Hopefully this time will be different (sound familiar? yeah that's because it is exactly what I said to myself the last time)

So why am I going to try to keep up this blog?
1) I keep telling myself that I want to keep up a journal, so its about time that I follow through
2) I think it will be a good way to de-stress and vent about problems, and therefore hopefully reaching some clarity, without bugging my family and friends too much about my problems
3) It will be nice to get perspective. Especially looking back at what I was going through at certain times, and being able to see how far I've grown.

So I'll keep it short and sweet for now. Much more to complain about later!